I was asked this question: im a 23yo male virgin. i am not ugly. but i was homeschooled, and in college i majored in comp sci, meaning i didnt get out much. FINALLY im serious with a girl and its truely exciting! she knows im a virgin, she wants to have sex with me and i with her. also she hasnt has sex in months, so i know this isnt about her taking my v card as a trophy. i know i want to be soft yet firm with her. i want to please her and not mindlessly fuck her like in porn. can u give me advice/sex blog links/anything
I accidentally deleted it before answering it properly. Talk about oops. I’m going to try and answer it properly now.
There’s nothing wrong with majoring in comp sci! I’m a math major myself :) And I’ve dabbled in programming, too. WHATUP. All hail Geekdom.
There’s ALSO nothing wrong with being a virgin. However, the inexperience will probably cause you to feel clumsy and awkward when it comes to having sex for the first time. It’s a completely new experience that you’re unfamiliar with, and it’s expected that your first time in the sack isn’t going to go perfectly. I’m not trying to scare you, I’m just being honest. Just please don’t let nerves get to you. Go with the flow and acknowledge that you are not in a romantic comedy (or a porno).
Okay. Now let’s talk about the actual sex part. FORGET EVERYTHING YOU’VE LEARNED FROM PORN. First and foremost, pay attention to her body language. If she tenses up or looks uncomfortable, stop whatever it is that you’re doing. Take this as a cue that you should switch positions or maybe reposition a leg or something. But do not, I repeat DO NOT try and bend the girl into various yoga positions. Fuck that shit. Stick to the basics. Some good first-time-with-a-new-lover positions: missionary; you sort of on your knees, her laying on her back (like this or this); and, if she’s cool with it, her on top. (Remember: if you’re on top of her, support your weight on your hands/arms. If you lay on her she WILL get uncomfortable.) Basically, stick to positions where you’re face to face. Doggy style type positions can seem impersonal and disconnected. And you definitely don’t want that the first time you’re with someone. You should also remember that sex is about more than penetration. Include the rest of her body in the fun. Run your hands over her skin, play with her breasts, run your fingers through her hair, etc. Love making is a whole-body affair. Also, determine how much kissing she likes during sex. Too much or too little can be a turn-off depending on the girl. (I like a moderate amount. I don’t like being lip-locked the entire time, but I do enjoy a passionate kiss every now and then.)
Finally, you said you wanted to be “soft yet firm” with her. I would suggest doing this by being assertive with your hands, i.e. hold her firmly, but not tight. Don’t be afraid of putting your hands on her hips/ass/breasts. You are having sex after all. My favorite thing - like of all time ever - is when my boyfriend (while I’m on top) puts one hand on my shoulder blade/neck area while sort of grabbing the muscle and then wraps his other arm around the small of my back, holding on to my lower back/the side of my waist near my hip. That drives me craaaazy. He doesn’t squeeze me or anything though. It’s almost as if he’s pressing me closer to him. (He’s pulling me down onto him with one hand while also pressing me closer to his chest with the other hand.) I’m not sure if that makes sense the way I’ve explained it, but the point is it’s an incredibly intimate/passionate move. The best way I can think to describe the hand movement I’m talking about is squeezing with the palm of your hand (not just fingers). Gosh, I’m bad at explaining. AHA! I’ve located a video! That’s ORIGINALLY from Cub&Wolf (fantastic tumblr - it’s definitely worth a look). Everything Wolf does is what I would advise. (You might wanna refrain from the ass slapping though.)
And I really don’t know what else to say at this point. I think I’ve covered all the basics. If I think of anything else, I’ll edit this post. If you need me to explain anything else or if you have other questions, shoot me another message. I’ll try not to prematurely answer/delete it :)
Best of luck!